Old Friends [English Jokes]

Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their
husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband
doesn’t find her attractive anymore.

“As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me!” Mary cries.

“I’m so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day.” replies Jane.

“Yes, but your husband’s an antique dealer!”

Would you get married again? (joke)

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not – don’t you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.
WIFE: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I’d get married again.
WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).
WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it’s a great house.
WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?
WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs like my best love callaway x22, TITLEIST AP2 and Callaway ft-iq driver?
HUSBAND: No, she likes Honma 802 and is left-handed.
WIFE: Silence -
HUSBAND: ‘Oh dear.. *****’

Source : http://bbs.english.sina.com/

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.

She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with chicken legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.
 Again, she didn’t know how say it, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.

The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. 
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store.

What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English !!!!!

Thanks http://funnydailyjokes.blogspot.com/2010/02/daily-joke_11.html